I loved today! God was just all over it! It started with furniture being delivered and set up in my new house, the clouds breaking, the sky turning brilliant blue, and the sun kissing the day. It included getting to spend a lot of one-on-one time with my precious daughter in the new house doing what girls do best - - arranging and re-arranging furniture - - and, as you might guess, deciding we really liked it best the way we had it first! It also included good news for Jack (yay!) and, ultimately, getting my boys over to the new house, too. The kids and I are still staying at the Laurelwood house this week. But, we’ve been trekking to the new house each day to take a few more items over and, tonight, we’re just hanging out here. To my delight, the kids all want to hang out here until bedtime. And Katy’s suggested a sleep-over here even though we’ll have to get up super early in the morning if we do to go back to the Laurelwood house to get ready for school and work.
Now, I hope you noticed I used the word “house” and not “home.” Well, here’s why - - This summer I really began to long for a home - a new home. I had grown weary from rotating in and out of the Laurelwood house and, frankly, it ceased to feel like my house three years ago. Like a switch thrown to “off,” that house quit feeling like my house the minute my ex and I separated and began the divorce process. I love my kids (God knows I do!) and miss them and long for them and even cry for them when it’s not my week with them. But I had begun to dread returning to the Laurelwood house. The only greater dread was having to leave it so the kids’ dad could enter to spend “his” week with the kids there. Well, a couple of new girlfriends suggested that the environment had become toxic to me and in a quiet and gentle way suggested that I make a move. At first, I thought “no way.” “I can’t disrupt my kids’ routine again. I’ll just continue to rotate in and out of this house and continue to co-own it with their dad even if it kills me.” But, I finally felt led to make some kind of move and ultimately began searching for a home.
What I longed for most was a “home” - not a “house” but a “home.” I wanted a place that would be warm and inviting and happy for my children - a place completely free from bad or sad feelings - - completely free from tension - - completely free from loss and from broken dreams. I vowed that I would find such a place and that, with God, I’d turn the place into a haven for my children (and myself). I dreamed of my babies literally running to this new home at the end of the day. I imagined them walking in, weary and tired and maybe even tearful from their day in the world. And I delighted in the hope that, in the new home, they would feel sudden and instant relief the moment they crossed the threshold - - that they would settle in and that peace itself would settle in all over them.
I began to pray urgently for a new home. I looked at a number of houses but, over time, became a little disenchanted with my dream. I began to see that the house I could afford was not the house of my dreams.
Finally, when it looked like there would be no new house, God did two amazing things for me. First, he placed a message on my heart - just as clear as if he’d spoken the words right out loud to me, he told my heart “Baby,” (yes! My God calls me “Baby” - so there!) if you want a house, I’ll give you a house. BUT it won’t be your home. I AM your home.” And, then, as soon as that message sunk in real good and real deep, he placed a precious little house right in my hands - - a nicer house than any I’d seen - - small but really nice - - new construction - - nice little lot with a small patio and a yard - - four bedrooms so each of the kids would still have a room of their own - - and two bathrooms - a girls’ bathroom and a boys’ bathroom. And, if all of this weren’t enough, to my surprise and delight, the family right next door is a precious family that we already know from the church we all used to attend. A wonderful mommy and daddy and three beautiful little girls!
Anyway, God did give me that house. But I haven’t forgotten his message. Over and over, as Jack and I moved things to the new “house,” and later as the kids and I moved additional things to the new “house,” and now as I prepare to make the final haul with the big Penske truck this weekend to the new house, I keep telling myself “Girl,” (I’m not as crazy about me as God is) “This is a beautiful new house, BUT it ain’t your home! God is your home! God, himself, is your home! THE God of THE whole universe is your home!”
Finally, I am praying all over and around this house. Today, I even stood on the front porch, placed my hand on the front door, and asked God right out loud to keep evil from ever crossing the threshold and to bless all the people who do cross the threshold. And I’m asking you to pray over this house too. Pray that it will become a haven for my kids. Pray that they will always feel safe here. Pray that they will yearn to retreat here when the world has been cold and cruel. Pray that they will feel blessed and protected and loved and safe every time they cross the threshold. And then come see us in our new house!
